OMABA '80!

(Soon-to-be) 44th President of the United States of America Barack Hussein Obama.

That felt good.

You can't manufacture this stuff:



Well, I mean, you CAN:



But still, undeniably heartwarming. Like an unhappy cat wearing clothing!



Reader, now allow me to shotgun a lungful of reality into your face to kick the happy up another notch. No more of this guy!:



To his credit, George Bush must be responsible for more laughter than any other President ever. President Bush is an inspiration to comedians everywhere, but not in the same way Carlin is. His legacy is a red bulging sty in the corner of America's right eye, secured on with one of those head cones so that America, a dog in this metaphor, won't scratch at the painfully embarrassing reminder of unhealthy, irresponsible decision-making. Sticking our snouts in dangerous butts.

I don't condone blind hatred of Bush because I don't condone blind hatred of anything. Understatement: Bush sucked. He sucked bad. Presidents previously thought uber sucky, are now considered only "mildly sucky, considering the times and properly adjusted for suck inflation." (Sidebar: suck inflation? In a way that's kind of an oxymoron, no?... Also the word "oxymoron" sounds like something you'd call a prescription drug addict.)

But dagglesnaps! if I don't like America's attitude right now. McCain and the republicans have gracefully accepted defeat (some show this by questioning Obama's US citizenship). The winning side isn't even being that gloaty! Although the room is covered in splattered with fan-distributed feces, America is ready to grow. It feels genuine, and genuine is good, and good is cool.

The First Post

Yarbles! Welcome you scally scruvywags! So let's do this, start a new blog website and everything. To be clear, I've blogged before. I began humbly with Xanga in my early teenage years. Then I did MySpace, where sadly, much of the bloggsperience is lost. Sometimes, it's even lost to the max.

So I'll blog again. Due to the staggering amount of blogs out there (I believe the number is somewhere around infinity), to be noticed, you have to write a bagrillion posts. Also as a blogger (or if you prefer the dated term "writer") you have to blog your tail off so you can get better at writing that doesn't cause tail-loss. So

A few quick notes regarding last night's historic presidential debate between Senators Barack Obama and John McCain:

Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL)
+Concisely listed point by point the goals for his presidency.
+Utilized no fewer than 47 sports analogies. He argued that the government shouldn't put all our "chips on the table," and not get caught up in the "inside baseball" of the Senate. And that McCain would "wack America's kneecaps with a tire iron".

Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)
+Thinks of everyone as his friends, a lot.
+Actually used the word "calamitous". Wow.
+Listed, like, a ton of countries I've never heard of. (Sidebar: Waziristan? Is that like how there's Mario and then there's Wario? Isn't that just like Superman and Bizaro Superman? Isn't that just like something a lot older than I'm ignorant of?)

Okay, enough politics. This won't be a politically-themed blog, though it might come up because I do have a sizable Bar-ection.

Ending somberly, Paul Newman died today. Respected acting career, active philanthropist and salad dressing enthusiast, and I learned today, a fucking race car driver. Here's the age we live in: ALREADY people have edited his death date on his Wikipedia entry. Just think - there are probably hundreds of dedicated Wikipedians out there who heard about Paul Newman today and their first thought was "...Paul Newman Died? I hope I can be the first to SEAL THIS MAN'S EXISTENCE WITH A DIGITAL TOMBSTONE."

I love you!