Eulogy for a Hamster, RIP Baracky

If you haven't already heard, let me break the news. Baracky, one of me and my girlfriend's two hamsters, was found dead in his cubby hole Saturday. :'( At the request of his surviving twin brother Obamster, I'd like to take some time to honor this fine specimen of rodentia with a humble eulogy, which I will deliver now via blog entry. Please be seated.



Baracky. You were exceptionally cute and cuddly, even for a hamster. Your temperament said you were excited to be here, doing things the way only you could. With your velvety fur of brown and white, you lived up to your namesake. Baracky -- a whitish-brownish hamster for a whitish-brownish nation. And even when you would nip-nip-nip at my fingertip-tip-tip... it was okay. Can I get mad at you? Can the ocean wave goodnight? Maybe I should have apologized for invading your space with carelessness, for being unable to take seriously so cute a hamster chirping with such gusto! Chirps of gusto...

My friends, if you knew our sweet Baracky then you knew he loved his hamster ball. He would explore vast terrain of floorboards and doorways, cruising in his shiny green hamster hoopty. Clunk! Clunk! Clunk! Are you stuck under the end table? I want to help you but I know you want to do it on your own. It may have been minutes, but did you give up? Did you just sit around eating the sunflower seeds stored in your cheeks like your fat, cute but lazy brother?

No. Because Baracky, you were a hamster with a classic refinement and charisma rarely found in this generation's ham-ham.

I was looking forward to living with you and giving you more attention. Getting to know you. But I can't feel bad about the times we could have had knowing that the times we did have were so sublime. They were pure and genuine, like the working man's light beer. That simile also works in that there are millions of you that are all basically the same... but hey, you were served in a big frosty mug by a great set of cans. I mean, look at that hamster pad, your hamster digs, you had it good, dude.



You were provided the finest blends of nuts and grains, absorbent and eco-friendly bedding, and a rich selection of chewable thingies. You explored a constantly-changing Lego meets iPod hamster utopia, with not one but TWO WHEELS to run on. All of this infused with the kind caretaking of a beautiful ham-loving-lady (and sometimes her ham-loving-lover).

To feel your teeny tiny hamster feet scurrying up and down our arms, we will not forget. You live on in us, and the vibrations of your life resonate throughout the universe outside of time. You will be celebrated and given the funeral of a military Kaiser.

Thank you for listening/reading. If anyone would like to say something, please share your kind words. I'll be Googling if it's safe to flush a hamster.